It seems my life has come to another turning point of sorts...sort of.
I think after 2 years at my job, I'm ready to find a new one. Its funny to think that switching to a new job changes your whole life...its just a job, right? But its moving from one group of crazy people to another. And crazy people on a daly basis has an affect on every aspect of your life. Plus, what if I were to change specialties? I've already done it once...changed from working for an Internist to an OBGYN, big change. I barely think about the old people in my life from a few years ago. In fact, Dr Schwarts snuck into my dream last night...completely weird and creepy. In my dream he had aged just as much as you'd expect an ALREADY old looking 47 year old man in 2007 to age in 3 years. A little balder, he was already totaly gray in 2007-so that cant look older, a little more spare tire around his golf t-shirt and belted khaki pants. He was totaly in love with me. Everyone thought so. And occasionally there was the weird awkward moment when he'd bring up sex life, and reproductive organs. Whenever his wife would stop by to visit, it was always an odd feeling around the office...like he couldnt full be himself when she visited. I wonder who he's moved onto now.
---ok, have to stop....this paragaph is getting too long---new paragraph for no reason!...---
Before me, there was another girl...a girl he was so obsessed with even after she was gone, that he kept a picture on the fridge of her in the back room. it was always there, even when his wife stopped by. He always made a joke of everything...probably so he wouldnt ever come across as a total stalker-but there were done wweeeeiiird fucking occasions. There was one night when he called me to find out how my date went with a guy I had met. Why are you calling me on a night that I'm not working, so you could talk to me? I bet he jerked off thinking about me. Ewl...he definitely did. I bet he jerked off right in his office upstairs from the examining rooms. He always said that he'd come to the office on weekends to watch football games and stuff because his wife hated it. But I bet that he also came there to watch porn and jerk off away from him wife.
EWL-I bet he fucked his wife in his office too. Not while anyone was there...but ewl, suddenly his upstairs office is going from office to creepy sex room-I worry for whoever is there now. OH MY GOD! He also had a shower and bathtub in that upstairs bathroom in his office. Ew ew..must stop thinking about this. Now I have this image of Larry David, in the upstairs bathroom, jerking off in the shower, thinking of me. Ew ew...Dr Schwartz was sooooo Larry David-spitting image!
I'd totaly write his whole name on here, since I dont work for him anymore...and let his patients and people googling the name find all this written...except....I could also see HIM googling himself. Maybe googling "Dr. D**** G. Schwartz and Larry David"...then he'd probably find this posting somehow...and I bet it would get him off to see me white this crap.
Blech. That whole rant creeped me out. New topic. Ha, Oh where was I?
Anyways...so back to turning points. My relationship with my boyfriend has gotten serious. Its weird, you know-the first year of living together didn't feel serious. I mean, it still felt very boyfriend/girlfriend, but after a year, I really feel like 'ok, it appears that you and I may really be spending the rest of our lives together.' And I think only recently it really hit him too. Something in his behavior has changed. Less of the feeling that the word "marriage" is off limits to say. Seriously talking about where we want to move to together. Its such a strange feeling when that happens-it feels more adult...and with each day, I'm trying harder and harder play naive. Bills, work, car payments, tickets, going a few too many days without having sex. Is this adulthood? Its true, there was a large chunk of my life where sex was all I wanted, alll the time...but even that doesnt seem to be holding true for me anymore. Is it my Effexor? Has it finally gone from affective to defective? Is it a brain developement thing?...I always thought our brains were done developing around 24 or so...but maybe not? Maybe things change all along. Maybe its part of the life progression? You know, Infant, toddler, child, adolescence, teen, young adult, adult, mother, retiree, grandmother, elderly?
I guess I'm somewhere between that adult and mother area. Not quite ready for "mother" per se, but maybe I'm starting to come to the end of just being an adult? I dont know...it makes no sense. I just sometimes worry that somehow I'l loose that weirdness, the quirkiness, those oddities that make me who I am.
...And then at the same time, I question how a REAL adult is suppose to behave aldultlike, but also like a complete idiot. Am I going to turn into the Weird Al of motherhood? Possibly, if I continue the way I am. But thats what I love most about me, and I think thats what most people love about me...aside from Dr Duncan. I dont know how much of my weirdness is how I have always been, and what might have added to it from my Traumatic Brain Injury. Was I this weird pre-car accident? I cant remember. I cant remember much of who I ws at all back before then. I feel as thought something in my mind has changed though since the accident. My mom says she sees it too. But was it the TBI, or would I have just changed this way as I aged no matter what? A lot has changed in the past 4 years, the whole way I view relationships, the whole way I view my family, the whole way I view responsilibity....are these natural life changes? I mean, if it werent for the accident-would my parents be getting a divorce? I dont blame myself...I just wonder the what-ifs. And then, if they hadnt gotten divorced, would I be as cynical as I am now about marriage, and cheating, and splitting up lives? When Blakes parents divorced...from my angle, it looked so easy. But now living it, its not. I mean, Blakes situation was different than mine though, Blakes mom kept the house, her dad moved to a nearby town in a beautiful appt. A little different than the way things worked out for my family. Sold the house cause they couldnt afford it anymore, dad downgraded to a small college point apartment, mom is in an apt thats about 1/4 the size of the house i grew up in...and both my parents are not doing well financially. Weird.
I guess you cant wonder "what if?", its a dangerous route to follow. You could end up depressing yourself...A LOT, believe me..i've done it. Thank god for Valium, right?
So, back to the work thing. I need to change jobs. The management of my office has gotten completely out of control. The office manager acts like shes some important person, like we're all there to serve her. Yo, asshole...you're not a FUCKING doctor, you're a biggot, republican, big mouth, chunky assed, bitch. Of all the girls in my office, none of us have previous experience in a doctors office where the office manager watched you like a hawk, had her own little bubble to work in, and would constantly come in and check on your working. Actually...I lied. Gina, from Elmont Open MRI...Oh what a fucking whore. She was a real asshole. My biggest regret is not saying to her face what I thought about her. Shes was worse than my current office manager. Gina was the fucking devil whore. She had this annoying litle latina accent too, whe'd try to talk all cute too, it made me sick. She would come over to us and ask if we're working "RrrrvvvvRrrrvvvv, like Speedy Gonzales", she thought being cute would make people like her. She fooled some, but not me. I knew that cunt bitch had it out for me about a month into my employment at that place. And when I started becoming friendly with the whole office...as they were merging with another company, she hated that. She hated the company that was taking over HER office, she had worked there for something like 8 years, and they were coming in and giving her orders now-because the owner sold the place to L.I.R.A (Long Island Radiology Assoc.). It was such a joke, I remeber Gina telling me that I had to talk to certain people that worked there in a certain tone...like the owners daughter Emily something? I forget her name, I'd totaly put it in here if I remembered it, what the fuck do I owe these people now? They mae my life miserable and the land-of-internet should be able to know about it.
Gina Gina Gina...Gina Sazzaci? Sassaci? Sasaki? That might be it, her name may have been Gina Sasaki. What a cunt. Anyways, I was trying to be friendly to everyone, I was hired just as the two companies were murging, so why should i hold anything against ANY of the new people I was going to be working with? But Gina reaaaallly wanted me to hate them...and I didnt. I forget who the blonde chick was that was REALLY running the show...these names escape me...and its only been 2 years. Anywho, on one occasion, as a punishment for what Gina refered to as "offending the whole front desk staff, and everyone complains about me and doesnt want to work with me", she stuck me in the billing office...to put together the paperwork for everyone for the day. She put me in a spot facing the wall and told me if I talked to anyone I was in trouble. She wanted me to quit. She was a NAZI. She would sit in her office downstairs and watch me on the camera at the front desk. I'd be pulling at split ends and she'd call me on my extention and whenI'd answer she'd say in her little high pitched FAST speaking Latina accent "Eh,AlexisItIsNotAppropriateToPlayWithYourHairAtTheFrontDesk". And I'd look around like WHAT THE FUCK!? She got a lot of people to dislike me too. This Nicole girl...Nicole Zichichi, she went from pretending to be my best friend the first 2 months working together, she'd call me on the ohone blah blah blah. About 2 weeks before I was fired (which was also the day AFTER Cunty Sasaki stuck me in the corner facing the wall like a 5 yr old), Nicole stops talking to me, ignores me completely. Not just ignores me...the chick pulls a "Jenna" as I like to call it, and acts like shes 5, like she'd laugh and pretend to be having a good time, and she'd look over at me while she was doing it. Like she was trying to shove it in my face. Nevermind the fact that she was like 3 yrs older than me at the time...whacko! So Nicole and Gina joined forces.
After the day of my firing, which I believe was probably a set up, I later found out that Gina got in trouble for going about firing me the way she did, because now that the company was owned by someone else...she had to go through THEM before making any decisions like that.
And within a month of her firing me...Gina was fired as well. SWEET WONDERFUL KARMA.
When I started a new job, I feared Gina so much, that the first thing I did was check the computer to make sure she wasnt a patient there. She lived on the boarder of Great Neck and Little Neck...so it is entirely possible for her to go to an OBGYN in the LIJ area. Fuck it, I hope Gina's uterus rots and falls out of her. Ugh....sooooo soooo regret not going to her face and calling her a cunt and saying EVERYTHING I thought about it. Maybe I should look her up on facebook and drop her a note? Cant hurt me now.
Ah, this has become quite the employment walk down memory lane.
And so...as I said, I think its time to move onward and upwards from here. I've got enough experience in the medical field at this point to have a sweet looking resume going. Its been a total of 4 years all together. 3 offices in 4 years, but I did a little over a year with Schwartz, and now over 2 years with this OBGYN The radiology experience was a terrible one, at that, and I only use it as a reference to what computer system I leanred while I was there. Other than that, it was worthless. Plus, I dont have a contact there anymore, LIRA came in and fired the entire original open MRI staff. Which is kinda laughable in retrospect.
Blech, an old friend just IMed me...one that I am going to be spending ALL of next weekend with at a wedding in Georgia. I've known him and his wife since I was 11....and I liked both of them a hell of a lot more when I was 11 too, now all they talk about is money, and trips and what they own...its gross.
See....just anothr example of that transitioning as you grow up...except, Im really happy I didnt end up like that. I'd rather have people say they think I'm off my fucking rocker, than that I'm a stuck up prick. Crazy people are more fun anyways.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Stoned, slutty, messed up girl
I am so stoned right now, and totaly sure that this is the perfect time to update this thing. Its been months, and I have about 1 follower...but whatever....who cares?
So I smoked like 4 bongs...alone...jeez...because I had to work late on Cinco de Mayo...and now I decided to celebrate on my own...because I know my boyfriend is coming home drunk tonight, and him getting drunk, and me being sober sucks.
So here I am...sitting in my hallway with my laptop with my Rabbit Stringbean....who I am fairly certain has gotten some kind of contact high, because shes totaly acting stoned. First I spent about 20 minutes watching her groom herself...which is the funniest thing stoned....because then you start thinking 'what would it look like if a human being did that?....I can understand a human being licking a finger...or part of a hand or something...but imagine if human beings sat there for like 20-30 minutes just licking up their arm,on their knee, bottom of their foot.
ok...pause....because now Stringbean is in her cage, and I am leaning against the wall just outside the room, and I swear I just heard her burp...weirdest noise ever.
Anyways, back to human beings licking themselves...and imagine if they were covered in hair.....i cant even see myself licking my hair that falls in front of my face.
My phone just went off...my boyfriend just texted me. He says "hey baby"...10pm...::hes drunk::....i'm stoned so I wrote back "hi hunnybug"...lets see what he wants, i bet he wants me to look up train times for him to take home. Thats the eneral routine...hes out at a loud bar, so rather than call me...he texts....because hes incapable of keeping the stupid phone # saved in his phone for the train times....and because he'd hate to have to leave the bar for a moment to go outside to call that #...even if he had saved it....god forbid he miss 1 moment of drinking or partying on a weeknight.
buzzz.....just got another text from him...this time he says "Whatcha doing? I should be leaving in a half hour or so". When he says hes leaving a party or bar in a half hour...that usually means he'll be leaving in 2 hours. "ok baby", I wrote back. Its easier to just say "ok" to him when hes drunk than actually tell him that I HATE HATE HATE when he says "half hour" and it means 2 hours when hes drunk...when he drinks I feel like he competely forgets about me, and having any respect for my time. And then I think about our future...and I worry that this is how my dad was when he and my mom dated before getting married? And was she just a wild party girl too? And she just didnt see that he'd never grow out of it once they got married or had kids? He still hasnt stopped drinking. Hell drink his money, his family and kids, and his life away....alcohol and screwing around with my friends are #1 priority in my life.
Jeez....good luck to my dads current girlfriend (not to be confused with his last [known] girlfriend....that Quartuccio chick from when I was 14. Sneaky bastard. And its so funny, because the second you call him out on something, he would just cover it up and hide it. Wonder if his new girlfriend knows THAT about him? When I was a kid and found his porn stash and showed all my friends and my mom found out and told him to get rid of it...he didnt do that either, he just kept moving his hiding pplace....which I found evertime....because they had a sneaky ass daughter too. And the time I found pot under his bed...and a pipe....told my mom about that, h just moved the hiding spot and denied it to no end. Then I found his emails that he SAVED (helllooooo, were you asking to get caught?!) on his computer that he gave to me in 9th grade...he got a nice new computer, so he gave me his....tons and tons of DETAILED affiar emails back and forth that he saved with that Quartuccio chick. DETAILED. Yuck....and I read them.....and I told my mom about it after days of stressing over it....and when my dad got home she confronted him and said "I dont give a shit who you want to stick your dick in...but the fact that our 14 year old daughter was the one to find out about it makes me sick". He gave a bunch of excuses and said it was harmless and his 14 year old daughter just "didnt understand it, and it was all jokingly"
DID HE THINK I WAS A FUCKING IDIOT 14 YEAR OLD?! NO...IM THE SAME FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD THAT HAS BEEN CATCHING YOUR ASS WITH BAD SHIT SINCE I WAS 5 YEARS OLD! IM A SMART FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD.
Yea dude...my dad fucked me up mentally.
Even now....hes in his mid 50s, i'm almost fucking 30, and he still wont be honest. Eventhough its all in the past...I ask about his affair...'what affair?' he didnt have one!-thats what he claims. What about his years and years of major drug use? Being a complete pothead....doing massive amounts of coke in the 70s, dropping acid all the time?! No no....he was never "heavy into drugs...I was a drinker" RRRIIGHTTTT, because I know "drinkers" occasionally dabble in a little heroin use.
Wait wait? whats that dad? Didnt know I knew about your heroin use? YIKES!
:::::take a moment to appreciate the massive internet meltdown of Alexis' life as she sits in her hallway stoned off her ass and watching her bunny lick itself:::::
Phew...that was quite the transition I had there just now. From Jason drinking to the pile of lies and bullshit my father fed me my whole life. I'm sure there will be a hell of a lot more of this in future posts. You get to know me...I get to know you.
So I am pretty certain that one of my coworkers is gay...a lesbian..obviously...since its an ALL FEMALE OBGYN. Jeez. awful idea. listen to me public....the key to success is definitely NOT getting an entire staff of women. Ive been working there so long that its hard to remember what working with men is like. I'm probably better off that way...with my track record of becoming attracted to coworkers and classmates-I'd be in a lot of trouble keeping my relationship in check. I know that about myself. In any situation where I am around new man who I've just met that ARENT my friends...I ALWAYS have tried to push its limits. From Eric, to Mike, to Dennis, to Chris, to Steve, to Frank, I cant be trusted around men sometimes, my past speaks for itself...
I dont regret my past. I fucked A LOT of guys....totaly messed up, I know-but I couldnt help it. Most people wont admit to being sluts....most women, at least....but I wear it like a badge of honor-I'm proud. It was the most amazingly fun crazy time of my life. I wouldnt trade anything for that. Each -slut session- lastest for about a year and a half...first BEFORE Steve....then between Steve and my current boyfriend (hopefully fiance in the next year). I fucked everyone from the moment I ended things with Steve, till the day Jason and I decided to be exclusive and serious. I was out of control, which is why I need to be tied down to train myself to chill. If I'm not tied down, I slut it up...hell, if I wasnt with my current boyfriend, I'd probably be fucking someone in the back of their car somewhere. I love sex with random people, and I love fucking someone I barely know...its sooooo exciting.
Its awful, and I know people dont agree and think I'm just a whore....but until you've done it...you cant judge, because its such an addictive rush to fuck someone new-you have no idea how fun it can be.
I'm not ashaimed...most people on this planet probably wont even experience as much fun as I did back in those days. Perfect time of my life to do it too. It began at 18...went till just before I turned 20. Then I was tied down and totaly 100% well behaved while I was in a relationship....then AS SOON as I got out of one (right before I turned 23. Then I spent another year and a half whoring it up...and then met my current boyfriend a little after turning 24.
But each one was soo fun...and I remember ALL of them. Such OUT OF CONTROL memories. And there were plenty that I fooled around with, but never fucked. So if you count vaginal, oral, and anal sex.....I've completely lost count of partners to b honest....I could probably figure it out with some good pot, a pen, a piece of paper, and a good hour or so to think about it. But my guess is its about 30 men in total...something like that.
But hey man....I'm my fathers daughter...its genetics...he was/is a whore....so some of that had to rub off on me...especially when I found hardcore porn in my dads possesion when I was 5 years old....what kind of person was I expected to grow up to become, when those are some of my earliest life memories? It'd take a massive amount of therapy, maybe even some shock therapy to get throught o what kind of damage that caused me as a 5 year old...thats when a humans brain learns the most stuff...I was like a spoung absorbing information a that age....and THATS what I find and learn about?!
Hell...I found one picture in a magazine of a guy eating our some chick...and the GUY had a tounge ring!...HELLO!!! I had a tongue ring from age 15-22! HMMM, ya think that might have been imprinted onto my brain that THATS sexy?! I started masturbating at age 5! WHAT?! you say?!.....YES, thats right...age 5!
I would take my "blankey"....squish it into a ball....lay on my bed with it between my legs...and hump the shit out of that thing alllll night!
Yea...thanks again dad for not turning me into a totaly sex crazed maniac person from age 5!
I am trying to break the family mold though...I will not cheat....I will not cheat....I will not cheat. I'll look, I'll gander, I'll bump into intentionally, I'll make eye contact, I'll mabe even chat it up...and yes, occasionally I'll flirt a little...but I know my boyfriend is out there doing the same...what man wouldnt? Anytime a man is away from his girl...he flirts....I mean, jesus...they go to strip clubs! If thats not crossing the "flirting" line, I dont know what is...having a woman rub her breasts in your face?! Yea...I think flirting and talking to an attractive guy at a bar isnt so bad compared to that! Gotta break it down and be realistic. You cant say that a girl being a flirt while in a relationship is worse than a guy in a relationship going to a club and having a girl rub her tits in your face and grind her ass against your cock is jussst fine. No no...sorry sorry...it doesnt work that way. When I'm at a bar flirting, the guys cock is not making contact with any part of my body...and neither are his nipples....cant say the same for you men at stripclubs, can I?
On that note. I bid you farewell for another crazy day in the life.
Kiss kiss
So I smoked like 4 bongs...alone...jeez...because I had to work late on Cinco de Mayo...and now I decided to celebrate on my own...because I know my boyfriend is coming home drunk tonight, and him getting drunk, and me being sober sucks.
So here I am...sitting in my hallway with my laptop with my Rabbit Stringbean....who I am fairly certain has gotten some kind of contact high, because shes totaly acting stoned. First I spent about 20 minutes watching her groom herself...which is the funniest thing stoned....because then you start thinking 'what would it look like if a human being did that?....I can understand a human being licking a finger...or part of a hand or something...but imagine if human beings sat there for like 20-30 minutes just licking up their arm,on their knee, bottom of their foot.
ok...pause....because now Stringbean is in her cage, and I am leaning against the wall just outside the room, and I swear I just heard her burp...weirdest noise ever.
Anyways, back to human beings licking themselves...and imagine if they were covered in hair.....i cant even see myself licking my hair that falls in front of my face.
My phone just went off...my boyfriend just texted me. He says "hey baby"...10pm...::hes drunk::....i'm stoned so I wrote back "hi hunnybug"...lets see what he wants, i bet he wants me to look up train times for him to take home. Thats the eneral routine...hes out at a loud bar, so rather than call me...he texts....because hes incapable of keeping the stupid phone # saved in his phone for the train times....and because he'd hate to have to leave the bar for a moment to go outside to call that #...even if he had saved it....god forbid he miss 1 moment of drinking or partying on a weeknight.
buzzz.....just got another text from him...this time he says "Whatcha doing? I should be leaving in a half hour or so". When he says hes leaving a party or bar in a half hour...that usually means he'll be leaving in 2 hours. "ok baby", I wrote back. Its easier to just say "ok" to him when hes drunk than actually tell him that I HATE HATE HATE when he says "half hour" and it means 2 hours when hes drunk...when he drinks I feel like he competely forgets about me, and having any respect for my time. And then I think about our future...and I worry that this is how my dad was when he and my mom dated before getting married? And was she just a wild party girl too? And she just didnt see that he'd never grow out of it once they got married or had kids? He still hasnt stopped drinking. Hell drink his money, his family and kids, and his life away....alcohol and screwing around with my friends are #1 priority in my life.
Jeez....good luck to my dads current girlfriend (not to be confused with his last [known] girlfriend....that Quartuccio chick from when I was 14. Sneaky bastard. And its so funny, because the second you call him out on something, he would just cover it up and hide it. Wonder if his new girlfriend knows THAT about him? When I was a kid and found his porn stash and showed all my friends and my mom found out and told him to get rid of it...he didnt do that either, he just kept moving his hiding pplace....which I found evertime....because they had a sneaky ass daughter too. And the time I found pot under his bed...and a pipe....told my mom about that, h just moved the hiding spot and denied it to no end. Then I found his emails that he SAVED (helllooooo, were you asking to get caught?!) on his computer that he gave to me in 9th grade...he got a nice new computer, so he gave me his....tons and tons of DETAILED affiar emails back and forth that he saved with that Quartuccio chick. DETAILED. Yuck....and I read them.....and I told my mom about it after days of stressing over it....and when my dad got home she confronted him and said "I dont give a shit who you want to stick your dick in...but the fact that our 14 year old daughter was the one to find out about it makes me sick". He gave a bunch of excuses and said it was harmless and his 14 year old daughter just "didnt understand it, and it was all jokingly"
DID HE THINK I WAS A FUCKING IDIOT 14 YEAR OLD?! NO...IM THE SAME FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD THAT HAS BEEN CATCHING YOUR ASS WITH BAD SHIT SINCE I WAS 5 YEARS OLD! IM A SMART FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD.
Yea dude...my dad fucked me up mentally.
Even now....hes in his mid 50s, i'm almost fucking 30, and he still wont be honest. Eventhough its all in the past...I ask about his affair...'what affair?' he didnt have one!-thats what he claims. What about his years and years of major drug use? Being a complete pothead....doing massive amounts of coke in the 70s, dropping acid all the time?! No no....he was never "heavy into drugs...I was a drinker" RRRIIGHTTTT, because I know "drinkers" occasionally dabble in a little heroin use.
Wait wait? whats that dad? Didnt know I knew about your heroin use? YIKES!
:::::take a moment to appreciate the massive internet meltdown of Alexis' life as she sits in her hallway stoned off her ass and watching her bunny lick itself:::::
Phew...that was quite the transition I had there just now. From Jason drinking to the pile of lies and bullshit my father fed me my whole life. I'm sure there will be a hell of a lot more of this in future posts. You get to know me...I get to know you.
So I am pretty certain that one of my coworkers is gay...a lesbian..obviously...since its an ALL FEMALE OBGYN. Jeez. awful idea. listen to me public....the key to success is definitely NOT getting an entire staff of women. Ive been working there so long that its hard to remember what working with men is like. I'm probably better off that way...with my track record of becoming attracted to coworkers and classmates-I'd be in a lot of trouble keeping my relationship in check. I know that about myself. In any situation where I am around new man who I've just met that ARENT my friends...I ALWAYS have tried to push its limits. From Eric, to Mike, to Dennis, to Chris, to Steve, to Frank, I cant be trusted around men sometimes, my past speaks for itself...
I dont regret my past. I fucked A LOT of guys....totaly messed up, I know-but I couldnt help it. Most people wont admit to being sluts....most women, at least....but I wear it like a badge of honor-I'm proud. It was the most amazingly fun crazy time of my life. I wouldnt trade anything for that. Each -slut session- lastest for about a year and a half...first BEFORE Steve....then between Steve and my current boyfriend (hopefully fiance in the next year). I fucked everyone from the moment I ended things with Steve, till the day Jason and I decided to be exclusive and serious. I was out of control, which is why I need to be tied down to train myself to chill. If I'm not tied down, I slut it up...hell, if I wasnt with my current boyfriend, I'd probably be fucking someone in the back of their car somewhere. I love sex with random people, and I love fucking someone I barely know...its sooooo exciting.
Its awful, and I know people dont agree and think I'm just a whore....but until you've done it...you cant judge, because its such an addictive rush to fuck someone new-you have no idea how fun it can be.
I'm not ashaimed...most people on this planet probably wont even experience as much fun as I did back in those days. Perfect time of my life to do it too. It began at 18...went till just before I turned 20. Then I was tied down and totaly 100% well behaved while I was in a relationship....then AS SOON as I got out of one (right before I turned 23. Then I spent another year and a half whoring it up...and then met my current boyfriend a little after turning 24.
But each one was soo fun...and I remember ALL of them. Such OUT OF CONTROL memories. And there were plenty that I fooled around with, but never fucked. So if you count vaginal, oral, and anal sex.....I've completely lost count of partners to b honest....I could probably figure it out with some good pot, a pen, a piece of paper, and a good hour or so to think about it. But my guess is its about 30 men in total...something like that.
But hey man....I'm my fathers daughter...its genetics...he was/is a whore....so some of that had to rub off on me...especially when I found hardcore porn in my dads possesion when I was 5 years old....what kind of person was I expected to grow up to become, when those are some of my earliest life memories? It'd take a massive amount of therapy, maybe even some shock therapy to get throught o what kind of damage that caused me as a 5 year old...thats when a humans brain learns the most stuff...I was like a spoung absorbing information a that age....and THATS what I find and learn about?!
Hell...I found one picture in a magazine of a guy eating our some chick...and the GUY had a tounge ring!...HELLO!!! I had a tongue ring from age 15-22! HMMM, ya think that might have been imprinted onto my brain that THATS sexy?! I started masturbating at age 5! WHAT?! you say?!.....YES, thats right...age 5!
I would take my "blankey"....squish it into a ball....lay on my bed with it between my legs...and hump the shit out of that thing alllll night!
Yea...thanks again dad for not turning me into a totaly sex crazed maniac person from age 5!
I am trying to break the family mold though...I will not cheat....I will not cheat....I will not cheat. I'll look, I'll gander, I'll bump into intentionally, I'll make eye contact, I'll mabe even chat it up...and yes, occasionally I'll flirt a little...but I know my boyfriend is out there doing the same...what man wouldnt? Anytime a man is away from his girl...he flirts....I mean, jesus...they go to strip clubs! If thats not crossing the "flirting" line, I dont know what is...having a woman rub her breasts in your face?! Yea...I think flirting and talking to an attractive guy at a bar isnt so bad compared to that! Gotta break it down and be realistic. You cant say that a girl being a flirt while in a relationship is worse than a guy in a relationship going to a club and having a girl rub her tits in your face and grind her ass against your cock is jussst fine. No no...sorry sorry...it doesnt work that way. When I'm at a bar flirting, the guys cock is not making contact with any part of my body...and neither are his nipples....cant say the same for you men at stripclubs, can I?
On that note. I bid you farewell for another crazy day in the life.
Kiss kiss
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