So I smoked like 4 bongs...alone...jeez...because I had to work late on Cinco de Mayo...and now I decided to celebrate on my own...because I know my boyfriend is coming home drunk tonight, and him getting drunk, and me being sober sucks.
So here I am...sitting in my hallway with my laptop with my Rabbit Stringbean....who I am fairly certain has gotten some kind of contact high, because shes totaly acting stoned. First I spent about 20 minutes watching her groom herself...which is the funniest thing stoned....because then you start thinking 'what would it look like if a human being did that?....I can understand a human being licking a finger...or part of a hand or something...but imagine if human beings sat there for like 20-30 minutes just licking up their arm,on their knee, bottom of their foot.
ok...pause....because now Stringbean is in her cage, and I am leaning against the wall just outside the room, and I swear I just heard her burp...weirdest noise ever.
Anyways, back to human beings licking themselves...and imagine if they were covered in hair.....i cant even see myself licking my hair that falls in front of my face.
My phone just went off...my boyfriend just texted me. He says "hey baby"...10pm...::hes drunk::....i'm stoned so I wrote back "hi hunnybug"...lets see what he wants, i bet he wants me to look up train times for him to take home. Thats the eneral routine...hes out at a loud bar, so rather than call me...he texts....because hes incapable of keeping the stupid phone # saved in his phone for the train times....and because he'd hate to have to leave the bar for a moment to go outside to call that #...even if he had saved it....god forbid he miss 1 moment of drinking or partying on a weeknight.
buzzz.....just got another text from him...this time he says "Whatcha doing? I should be leaving in a half hour or so". When he says hes leaving a party or bar in a half hour...that usually means he'll be leaving in 2 hours. "ok baby", I wrote back. Its easier to just say "ok" to him when hes drunk than actually tell him that I HATE HATE HATE when he says "half hour" and it means 2 hours when hes drunk...when he drinks I feel like he competely forgets about me, and having any respect for my time. And then I think about our future...and I worry that this is how my dad was when he and my mom dated before getting married? And was she just a wild party girl too? And she just didnt see that he'd never grow out of it once they got married or had kids? He still hasnt stopped drinking. Hell drink his money, his family and kids, and his life away....alcohol and screwing around with my friends are #1 priority in my life.
Jeez....good luck to my dads current girlfriend (not to be confused with his last [known] girlfriend....that Quartuccio chick from when I was 14. Sneaky bastard. And its so funny, because the second you call him out on something, he would just cover it up and hide it. Wonder if his new girlfriend knows THAT about him? When I was a kid and found his porn stash and showed all my friends and my mom found out and told him to get rid of it...he didnt do that either, he just kept moving his hiding pplace....which I found evertime....because they had a sneaky ass daughter too. And the time I found pot under his bed...and a pipe....told my mom about that, h just moved the hiding spot and denied it to no end. Then I found his emails that he SAVED (helllooooo, were you asking to get caught?!) on his computer that he gave to me in 9th grade...he got a nice new computer, so he gave me his....tons and tons of DETAILED affiar emails back and forth that he saved with that Quartuccio chick. DETAILED. Yuck....and I read them.....and I told my mom about it after days of stressing over it....and when my dad got home she confronted him and said "I dont give a shit who you want to stick your dick in...but the fact that our 14 year old daughter was the one to find out about it makes me sick". He gave a bunch of excuses and said it was harmless and his 14 year old daughter just "didnt understand it, and it was all jokingly"
DID HE THINK I WAS A FUCKING IDIOT 14 YEAR OLD?! NO...IM THE SAME FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD THAT HAS BEEN CATCHING YOUR ASS WITH BAD SHIT SINCE I WAS 5 YEARS OLD! IM A SMART FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD.
Yea dude...my dad fucked me up mentally.
Even now....hes in his mid 50s, i'm almost fucking 30, and he still wont be honest. Eventhough its all in the past...I ask about his affair...'what affair?' he didnt have one!-thats what he claims. What about his years and years of major drug use? Being a complete pothead....doing massive amounts of coke in the 70s, dropping acid all the time?! No no....he was never "heavy into drugs...I was a drinker" RRRIIGHTTTT, because I know "drinkers" occasionally dabble in a little heroin use.
Wait wait? whats that dad? Didnt know I knew about your heroin use? YIKES!
:::::take a moment to appreciate the massive internet meltdown of Alexis' life as she sits in her hallway stoned off her ass and watching her bunny lick itself:::::
Phew...that was quite the transition I had there just now. From Jason drinking to the pile of lies and bullshit my father fed me my whole life. I'm sure there will be a hell of a lot more of this in future posts. You get to know me...I get to know you.
So I am pretty certain that one of my coworkers is gay...a lesbian..obviously...since its an ALL FEMALE OBGYN. Jeez. awful idea. listen to me public....the key to success is definitely NOT getting an entire staff of women. Ive been working there so long that its hard to remember what working with men is like. I'm probably better off that way...with my track record of becoming attracted to coworkers and classmates-I'd be in a lot of trouble keeping my relationship in check. I know that about myself. In any situation where I am around new man who I've just met that ARENT my friends...I ALWAYS have tried to push its limits. From Eric, to Mike, to Dennis, to Chris, to Steve, to Frank, I cant be trusted around men sometimes, my past speaks for itself...
I dont regret my past. I fucked A LOT of guys....totaly messed up, I know-but I couldnt help it. Most people wont admit to being sluts....most women, at least....but I wear it like a badge of honor-I'm proud. It was the most amazingly fun crazy time of my life. I wouldnt trade anything for that. Each -slut session- lastest for about a year and a half...first BEFORE Steve....then between Steve and my current boyfriend (hopefully fiance in the next year). I fucked everyone from the moment I ended things with Steve, till the day Jason and I decided to be exclusive and serious. I was out of control, which is why I need to be tied down to train myself to chill. If I'm not tied down, I slut it up...hell, if I wasnt with my current boyfriend, I'd probably be fucking someone in the back of their car somewhere. I love sex with random people, and I love fucking someone I barely know...its sooooo exciting.
Its awful, and I know people dont agree and think I'm just a whore....but until you've done it...you cant judge, because its such an addictive rush to fuck someone new-you have no idea how fun it can be.
I'm not ashaimed...most people on this planet probably wont even experience as much fun as I did back in those days. Perfect time of my life to do it too. It began at 18...went till just before I turned 20. Then I was tied down and totaly 100% well behaved while I was in a relationship....then AS SOON as I got out of one (right before I turned 23. Then I spent another year and a half whoring it up...and then met my current boyfriend a little after turning 24.
But each one was soo fun...and I remember ALL of them. Such OUT OF CONTROL memories. And there were plenty that I fooled around with, but never fucked. So if you count vaginal, oral, and anal sex.....I've completely lost count of partners to b honest....I could probably figure it out with some good pot, a pen, a piece of paper, and a good hour or so to think about it. But my guess is its about 30 men in total...something like that.
But hey man....I'm my fathers daughter...its genetics...he was/is a whore....so some of that had to rub off on me...especially when I found hardcore porn in my dads possesion when I was 5 years old....what kind of person was I expected to grow up to become, when those are some of my earliest life memories? It'd take a massive amount of therapy, maybe even some shock therapy to get throught o what kind of damage that caused me as a 5 year old...thats when a humans brain learns the most stuff...I was like a spoung absorbing information a that age....and THATS what I find and learn about?!
Hell...I found one picture in a magazine of a guy eating our some chick...and the GUY had a tounge ring!...HELLO!!! I had a tongue ring from age 15-22! HMMM, ya think that might have been imprinted onto my brain that THATS sexy?! I started masturbating at age 5! WHAT?! you say?!.....YES, thats right...age 5!
I would take my "blankey"....squish it into a ball....lay on my bed with it between my legs...and hump the shit out of that thing alllll night!
Yea...thanks again dad for not turning me into a totaly sex crazed maniac person from age 5!
I am trying to break the family mold though...I will not cheat....I will not cheat....I will not cheat. I'll look, I'll gander, I'll bump into intentionally, I'll make eye contact, I'll mabe even chat it up...and yes, occasionally I'll flirt a little...but I know my boyfriend is out there doing the same...what man wouldnt? Anytime a man is away from his girl...he flirts....I mean, jesus...they go to strip clubs! If thats not crossing the "flirting" line, I dont know what is...having a woman rub her breasts in your face?! Yea...I think flirting and talking to an attractive guy at a bar isnt so bad compared to that! Gotta break it down and be realistic. You cant say that a girl being a flirt while in a relationship is worse than a guy in a relationship going to a club and having a girl rub her tits in your face and grind her ass against your cock is jussst fine. No no...sorry sorry...it doesnt work that way. When I'm at a bar flirting, the guys cock is not making contact with any part of my body...and neither are his nipples....cant say the same for you men at stripclubs, can I?
On that note. I bid you farewell for another crazy day in the life.
Kiss kiss
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