Such is life!

Usually when someone gets in trouble at work, they expect it. They know they've done something wrong. But today, I must say-I was completely blind-sided! The day went well, sat at the front desk, checked in patients. Found some annoying and some less annoying. But a pretty standard Friday. Didnt get to take a lunch, eventhough I was entitled to one, because my idiot office manager is awful at scheduling and never has enough front desk coverage on Fridays. So frequently...and without complaint-most of us have a lunchless Friday. From the moment we all walk in on Friday, we are all waiting for the moment the clock hits 3:00pm. Friday Early Day!
So thats all and well and fine. Had no issues with patients today, no attitude problems, or too much writing on the wax paper of the sign-in sheet. Nothing to make this day any different from every other Friday. Even the doctors laid off us. Not much of "is so-and-so here yet?", "has blah-blah-blah been checked in?". Basically your run-of-the mill work day.
So just as I'm clocking back in from my lunchless lunch-break (we have to clock out even if we dont take a lunch, because the time clock will deduct 30 min from your hours if you DONT take a lunch.), where I actually worked the whole time, rather than actually relax during my well-deserved break. One of the doctors approaches me on my way back over to the front desk. The head of the practice. She says to me, in her kindest of tones "Before you go, I'd like to have a quick word with you", all nonchalant. I didnt really think anything of it, aside from briefly joking with a coworker about how I'm always getting in trouble, and jokingly suggested that maybe they want to fire me.
Anyways, I walk back to her office, with the office manager folloing me. When that happens, it usually means I'M IN TROUBLE. So I was totaly confused. Was I in trouble? As I got into her office, they closed the door beind them and told me to take a seat. "What'd I do now?" I said half jokingly. And to my DISMAY, I recieved a serious answer to my half joking question. That they've noticed a "difference in me, in my behavior", that I've had a "bad attitude lately". REALLY? Lately? Seriously, for once-I didnt see it coming. For a brief moment when she mentioned a change in my attitude, I almost prepared myself for a compliment. In fact, as soon as she said that, I asked her "bad or good?", because I was seriously thinking I had been GOOD! Jeez, imagine that? I went in there half-thinking I was about to be complimented because I had been trying to stay in line lately...especially since the 1.5 review I got last month, and they were telling me that they have seen a change for the worse?! PRetty amazing, probably the farthest off I've ever been in my life about having a "good vibe" from someone else. I dont even think I've ever been that wrong about a "good vibe" about a man. Not even in 9th grade when I had a die-hard crush on Tommy from Manhattan and he just 'wasnt that into me'. At least Tommy was still my friend despite his lack of sexual interest or attraction to me. YIKES! This was like a 180-out-of-the-blue-HOLY-CRAP-I-CANT-BELIVE-I'M-HEARING-THIS kind of reation. I didnt yell or flip out. But I did ask for examplyes of my behavior...to which they couldnt give me any really GOOD ones. It felt like my review all over again. In fact, it felt like more than that...It felt like bullshit. It felt like they were trying to push me out, I dont know why-and I really don't know what I did to deserve it. But it really felt that way. I mean, do I still joke around about the 1.5 rating on my review? Yea, of course! And is it maybe a little inapropriate? Sure-but what else was I suppose to do? Cry about it? I make a joke of all the things in my life that make me miserable. A poor review rating, divorce, brain injuries, cancer. If it makes me upset, you can sure as hell bet that I am going to bring it up with friends and find a way to laugh about it. Thats who I am...and these people who run the office I work in should know that about me by now. I've been working there for over 2 years for christ sakes! Or is it just that? Maybe they hate that about me, that I try to make everything light and laughable-I'm not serious enough for Dr D? I make too many jokes to make my coworkers laugh at the front desk? They hired me because I am a likable person, I like to laugh and I like to find a lighter side to life. And now its become my biggest working fault? I dont know. Something about the whole thing today just didnt feel right. And it sucks, because I can never think things up on the pot when I'm being criticized. Its only once I got home, and REALLY thought things over that I started to get really mad. I didnt steal money or show up to work drunk. I didnt harass a patient? I didnt tell my office manager to go fuck herself. It was like they were looking for a target...tiny little holes to get into and rip me a new asshole.
I wonder what the look on my face looked like when they were talking to me. id they see the look of complete confusion on my face?
I felt like I was being threatened...for not even doing anything wrong.
Was it the call from my Neurologist that pissed them off? What? did they finally take a moment to discuss it amogst themselves and say 'that little bitch isnt going to get away with having her neurologist make excuses for her?!'
I HAVE A FUCKING BRAIN INJURY PEOPLE! Have some sensitivity! I mean-I know they have no sensitivity for their own patients, but jeez-I think they know me a little better than they know most of their patients. Im not just a number-I'm a 2+ year employee, who until recently was WORKING MY ASS OFF, BENDING OVER BACKWARDS, for doctors who pay me an insulting hourly rate!
So when I got home, once I stored up enough anger within myself...I took it all out on my resume...I updated it and started looking online for jobs. I wanted to at least make sure my resume was up to dat for CraigsList Sunday-when all the people post job listings! That way, Sunday evening-I can go onto Craigslist and with the push of a botton, send my resume out to ANYONE WHO WILL ACCEPT IT! Because at this point, ANYTHING would be better than being judged for who I am, by doctors who should have some kind of appreciation for me by now.
Such is life, right?
Or maybe the docs are on a kick...weeding out the old and in the new. What they don't know, is that my friend Danielle will follow me. Well, not so much follow-but she'll look for a new job. Shes like a little sister to me, and she wanted to quit on so many occasions, but stayed and told me it was because of me. Now go ahead...call me gullible. But if I didnt work with her, I'd barely see her. Imagine barely seeing someone that you look up to like a sister. Danielle is young enough, she doesnt need this job ether. She'd probably be a whole lot happier working somewhere closer to home...where she doesnt have to commute over 30 min for a part-time job. A place where she works with people around her age (18), rather than the 27 and older staff at my office. She has better things to do with her nights, like spending time with boyfriends. She'll leave because she'll be bored. Anytime I call in sick, she texts me non-stop because she hates not having me there. Shes the best "fill-in" sister I could ask for...since I see my REAL sis about once per week....if even that much.
I think its the dawn of a new day. I'll go in there Monday, happy and smiling and kissing ass...and I'll spend my nights searching monster.com and craiglist for the next job opportunity. I've been spinning my wheels in shit for too long at this place anyways. It'd just be a whole lot easier to leave if I didnt get along so well with my coworkers, I've sure come to like them. Now that we've all kinda united under one body of hatred...the management.

Like I said...such is life.