So I did what any normal girl would do...I threw a psycho fit, kicked the desk, screamed a bit...and then pulled it back together, bit my lip..and got over it.
So I waited about a week or so before I could return here without the painful memories of my lost entry.
Well, here I am. I'm not going to detail my trip...I did that already, and it was lost...not gonna go there again. I will say that it connected me to a creative and more spiritual side of myself. I've never seen anything quite like the rock formations on the west coast in nothern Cali. I've never seen 100-300 foot sand dunes before (which we went boarding down! Sand boarding is the new black). I saw seals and birds, and ate crab just about everywhere we went. We walked up and down the steep hills of SanFrancisco, and hiked up mountains. I saw rivers and waterfalls and bays and the ocean...but never like I've seen them before. It was a different kind of beauty. Not like the usual...which is tropical island beauty. This was rugged beauty. The kinds of things that are just there....and have been there for thousands and thousands of years...without question. I fell in love with the west coast. Even Oregon...Portland is an amazing city...very cool place.
I miss it all already. Its so different there than in NYC. In New York its a rat race, whoever can step on enough people on their way to the top wins! But on the West Coast...its all focused on local art, local farms, local music, local cuisine, local vineyards and breweries, local designers. Its such a simpler way of life. A REAL way of life. People support eachother and want to see others around them succeed.
Anyways. I'm no longer working in an OBGYN. It was mainly mutual. I told them I was completely miserable there and that I dreaded waking up in the mornings to show up there and be treated like I was born into a different caste. And on their side, they seemed just about sick of my outspoken lifestyle, and the fact that I could easily get the other girls in the office to rally behind me when it came to making decisions. Well, after I left...the girls DID in fact rally behind me. Aside from myself...they lost 3 other girls within 2 weeks of my departure. Seems like a message to me. Maybe those two bitchy doctors should pull their heads out of their deep dark cavernous asses and realize that they need to treat their staff better, treat people as equals, thank people for their help. GIVE RAISES that arent just 50 cents on the hour! What a slap in the face! I'd bash the whole practice right here, if I didnt feel I had to worry about being sued for it. Lets just leave it at this. The doctor who owns the practice cant be bothered to remember the names of the patients she delievered just hours earlier, she left behind 'products of conception' when doing a delivery AND a termination! And shes ALSO left gauze behind in patients. In my opinion, maybe the old bitch should retire before she gets sued by one of her patients. SICK SICK office. Bad energy all around.
Surprisingly...Danielle didnt follow me....she complains about how much she still hates it there, and how awful it is, and how the doctors are assholes...but shes still there. She drive 40 min everyday to go to work there after school. Amazing...I wouldve spit in their faces a long time ago if I were her.
Anyways...on the topic of love and lust...I'm trying to cope with the fact that EVERY single weekend, someone else on facebook gets married or engaged. I suppose that one of these days it will be my turn, but with each passing 'I do', I become more and more dishartened. Allow me to quote one of my favorite movies..."when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ~When Harry Met Sally. Its true...if you are with someone, and you know you love that person, and you know theres no one out there who could possibly make you happier, then why wait? If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it, right Beyonce?! I just don't get it, an engagement doesnt mean that a wedding will be happening within months, or even a year. Engagement is the best part of everything. Its the time when you get to climb up on a mountain and say HEY WORLD! YA SEE THIS?! YOU SEE THIS PERSON RIGHT HERE?! I LOVE HIM/HER AND I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM/HER!!!!! Why wait on that? My other half blames the wait on financial reasons. He worries that I'm not going to be financially responsible, or that we wont be able to afford a great wedding, or that if he proposes NOW...and then quits his job...then what? I say SO WHAT?! If he proposes now, will love me any less 6 months from now? If we've made it together for over 3 years and been really really happy, isnt that enough? I admit, yes, I enjoy shopping...but I'd much rather save up for a life changing experience-like a wedding...if only he'd give me reason to. I just really really don't want to be one of those girls who are in a great relationship for 5, 6, 7 years and still have no ring to show for it...nothing solid saying 'its me and you...forever'.
Maybe its silly, lots of girls these days dont even want to get married, I use to be one of them. Maybe it was because I saw everything that could go wrong in a marriage by looking at my parents? I don't know. But somewhere between my last (awful) boyfriend and my current (wonderful) boyfriend, something changed...something clicked in my head. I want to get married, I want that title of husband and wife...forever. I think its because I really want to be with him forever. And for the first time in my life, I've found a guy who sticks around, who loves me the way I deserve to be loved. I see his parents, they're that way. They love eachother, they spend most of their time together. Thats a whole different ball of wax from the way my family was. My father couldnt find enough excuses to keep himself away from my mom. And I guess if thats what I was seeing while I was with my last boyfriend, then I probably had good reason not to be interested in marriage. But now I see how relationships CAN be, when two people really care about eachother, and really have things in common, and make eachother laugh, and who want to travel together and try new things together. I guess I didnt realize that real love could last between two people until I got together with my boyfriend.
I lust after Simon G. engagement rings!
We've just booked a cruise out of San Juan PR for the first two weeks of January. We're gonna do 3 nights in Florida before we head down there so my boyfriend can see his bestfriend from his childhood and his 98 year old grandmother.
Speaking of grandmothers...I just saw mine this past friday. She did a real bang-up job upsetting my mother about my dad and their divorce...saying something about how my mother, myself and my sister HAVE TO respect my father since he was the money earner in the family for a long time. My mother started yelling about how respect isnt just given, its earned. I threw back something about how my father went on vacation after I was released from the ICU after having a brain injury in a car accident and how he LOST my respect after he pulled that bullshit. My grandmother just wouldnt let up...on and on about how he deserves respect. Sorry granny...it takes more than money to gain my respect. You have to be a REAL man and a REAL father to gain any of that.
So that was a lovely little visit from her.
Anyways....alls well that ends well.
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